Learning how to die

Strangely (or not), anthropology has made me question my faith a lot more than philosophy did.

hope is not a myth
1:01 AM

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here

hope is not a myth
12:17 AM

Friend fail. I don't know how to be a friend.

When people are going through tough times my instinctive response is to distance myself from them. When they express how they feel or become emo in the presence of others I get irritated and think that they should emo at home alone or talk to one person only and not drag others down with them.

Just because I tend to avoid my own problems, and I don't like to show others how I feel, doesn't mean I should expect that of other people as well. And I shouldn't be afraid to suffer with people, of going through the mess with them; caring and loving automatically entails getting hurt, and I should be willing to risk myself (but I'm not).

No wonder I don't have close friends.

hope is not a myth
1:57 PM

Don Miller's writings and the song 'Enough' by SF have been challenging my concept of love on so many levels.

hope is not a myth
8:03 PM

Tried to rearrange my room, failed. Guess I'll have to stick with this boring configuration then.

Did up my study timetable for the next two weeks, really have to keep with it. I hate timetables though. Blah.

hope is not a myth
1:02 AM

"Occasionally my ears are opened wide to realise the melody we're living in, an orchestra of intertwining lines, with the recurring refrain of grace, the hook that gives me hope for another verse." - Jon F.

hope is not a myth
11:14 AM

It's To Write Love On Her Arms Day! TWLOHA is a US-based organisation that raises awareness about what depression/suicide/cutting/drug abuse is about, raises money for the treatment/rehab of people who are trapped in such lifestyles, and directs them to resources or facilities that can help them.

Check out the vision and story behind the organisation, it's very moving: http://www.twloha.com/vision/.

Check out some thoughts from the founder on this year's TWLOHA Day: http://www.twloha.com/blog/some-thoughts-twloha-day.

I'm gonna write Love on my arms today, will you?

Credit: Luthien from the Switchboards.

I thought this song and its meaning was appropriate for this post:

this is the start
this is your heart
this is the day you were born
this is the sun
these are your lungs
this is the day you were born

and I am always, always, always yours  

these are the scars
deep in your heart
this is the place you were born
this is the hole
where most of your soul
comes ripping out
from the places you've been torn  

and it is always, always, always yours
but I am always, always, always yours

hallelujah!
I'm caving in
hallelujah!
I'm in love again
hallelujah!
I'm a wretched man
hallelujah!
every breath is a second chance

And it is always, always, always Yours
And I am always, always, always Yours

Jon Foreman's song story for 'ALWAYS':

"Everything can be taken from a man but ... the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." -Viktor Frankl

“Everything alive must die. Every building built to the sky will fall. Don't try to tell me my everlasting love is a lie.” -Jeff Tweedy

I am continually searching for meaning in my life. Why am I here? Why is there so much pain? This cold, dark stream of sorrow runs through my life. Why does it run alongside of the warm beautiful waters of joy and beauty? Why do the two rivers collide and intertwine? The dark and the light. The death and the life... Most of my songs become outlets for these questions. The music becomes place for the cognitive dissonance to chew away at something other than a broken heart or an ulcer. The music becomes a place to sort through the dark and the light. ...

The lyric of this song attempts to start at the womb and follow a human soul through life. And so it begins: the heart beats, the eyes open, breath floods the lungs for the first time- what incredible experiences! What extraordinary sensations! I wanted to write this from a father's perspective, from the eyes of the father of life. One look into the eyes of his son and the father is smitten for life. The possession that the young infant has over the father is complete. Always yours. The second verse speaks of the pain. This pain is always with us. We are born into a world of pain, the pain of losing a child, the pain of rejection, of racism, sexism, fears... these experiences rip us to pieces.

Everyone feels pain. ... The memories, the pain, the scars, these are yours. Yes, the things that you and I have lost. These are yours and they have meaning. No, these could never be The Ultimate Meaning in our lives, but let these scars drive us towards "turning suffering into human achievement and accomplishment."

The bridge in the song is the acknowledgment of my own shortcomings. As a man born into beauty and pain, there is a moment of surrender where I lay down my life. This is a free volitional action, a gift, just as the father's love was given to me- this became the response. A simple surrender to the Infinite Maker of The Finite acknowledging that I need his love. The meaning in my life is often found in surrender rather than mastery.

A blogger who wrote about the album perfectly expresses what the song means to me too. From http://dorrenrodriguez.blogspot.com/2009/11/hello-hurricane.html:

This song is about my heavenly father looking down at me, his creation, his son, his image, and proclaiming, "This is the start, this is your heart, this is the day you were born. This is the sun, these are your lungs, this is the day you were born, and I am always yours. These are the scars, deep in your heart, this is the place you were born. This is the hole, where most of your soul, comes ripping out, from the places you've been torn. And it is always yours, but I am always yours." I was on his mind before the foundations of time. He formed me in my mothers womb. He made my start, he made my heart, he gave me the sun, he gave me my lungs. He was there when my heart was wounded, and he sees my scars, he sees everything I've been through, he was there through it all. He knows my history, what I've gone through, and my scars will always be mine. But he will also always be mine, he will always be there for me, always. This concept really gets me teared up.

And the best part is Jon's response to his father's love. "Hallelujah! I'm caving in! Hallelujah! I'm in love again! Hallelujah! I'm a wretched man! Hallelujah! Every breath is a second chance, yeah! And it is always yours, and I am always yours." The Father has given himself to us, and in response, we give ourselves to the father. And it ends with the previously scored strings and that slide guitar. Beautiful. Gets me teared up.

hope is not a myth
12:19 PM